Dear New 24 Hour Fitness Member,
Thanks for joining our gym! It's commendable that you've made a New Years Resolution to get fit and have subsequently shelled out several hundred dollars to our company!
There are a few things you might like to know as you begin your journey on the road to a healthful (that's how we say it here...yes, we know it bugs you) lifestyle.
1. Our gym will be extremely crowded during the month of January. Hey, you're not the only one wanting to shed those extra pounds! We get dozens of new members at the start of the year, and even dozens more suddenly remember they have a gym membership! Never mind those people who've been coming religiously for months! There is no such thing as gym etiquette, so do as you please!
2. Girls: You absolutely MUST go to Victoria's Secret and a pair of booty shorts that say "PINK" on the derriere. Cellulite or no cellulite, you have to fit in! And while you're at it, pick up the latest, pinkest pair of Nikes that you can. Fashionable, expensive gym attire says "I'm serious here!" and is SURE to help you lose weight even faster!!
3. Take all the time you need on the machines! Really, be our guest! Get those thumbs moving and text ALL your friends in between sets on the leg press! Reading helps a lot too, so bring along your copy of the latest Stephanie Meyer book! Read a page or two in between sets on the shoulder press....you're not inconveniencing anybody!
4. Guys: Be sure to look at your muscles after EVERY MOVEMENT. This is of utmost importance. Nothing helps build sexy, cut muscle like staring at it. Also, grunt as loud as you want at the bench press--let everybody around you know how terribly hard you're working! And don't forget to bring your buddies to the gym with you and hit on all those girls who have "PINK" on the butt of their shorts. Most importantly: look like a douchebag! Wear those tight wifebeaters and puff out your chest. Put on that shirt with the arm holes cut down to your waist . . . gotta flaunt those tris! Give others a daily dose of inspiration by sporting your high school basketball shirt . . ."We work together. We play together. We succeed together. McKinney Heights Varsity Basketball '02." Truer words ne'er were spoken, my friend!
5. Whatever you do, DON'T SWEAT. Walk out our door looking the same as when you walked in. Girls, don't muff up your ponytail or makeup! And heaven forbid you pit out your shirt. Who wants to see that cute new iPod Nano on a sweaty armband? Not us! The gym is SOCIAL TIME--not kick-your-own-butt time! Talk to your roommates, call your mom, text your significant other, but whatever you do . . . don't work out TOO hard.
Well, that's it for our tips! We're so excited to have you here at 24 even though we don't expect to see much of you when you realize you're still fat in mid-February! Maybe by then there will be a little more room in our gym to work out for those who are truly committed to fitness. Above all, remember: it's a great day to get in shape!
Warm Regards,
The Management
Thanks for joining our gym! It's commendable that you've made a New Years Resolution to get fit and have subsequently shelled out several hundred dollars to our company!
There are a few things you might like to know as you begin your journey on the road to a healthful (that's how we say it here...yes, we know it bugs you) lifestyle.
1. Our gym will be extremely crowded during the month of January. Hey, you're not the only one wanting to shed those extra pounds! We get dozens of new members at the start of the year, and even dozens more suddenly remember they have a gym membership! Never mind those people who've been coming religiously for months! There is no such thing as gym etiquette, so do as you please!
2. Girls: You absolutely MUST go to Victoria's Secret and a pair of booty shorts that say "PINK" on the derriere. Cellulite or no cellulite, you have to fit in! And while you're at it, pick up the latest, pinkest pair of Nikes that you can. Fashionable, expensive gym attire says "I'm serious here!" and is SURE to help you lose weight even faster!!
3. Take all the time you need on the machines! Really, be our guest! Get those thumbs moving and text ALL your friends in between sets on the leg press! Reading helps a lot too, so bring along your copy of the latest Stephanie Meyer book! Read a page or two in between sets on the shoulder press....you're not inconveniencing anybody!
4. Guys: Be sure to look at your muscles after EVERY MOVEMENT. This is of utmost importance. Nothing helps build sexy, cut muscle like staring at it. Also, grunt as loud as you want at the bench press--let everybody around you know how terribly hard you're working! And don't forget to bring your buddies to the gym with you and hit on all those girls who have "PINK" on the butt of their shorts. Most importantly: look like a douchebag! Wear those tight wifebeaters and puff out your chest. Put on that shirt with the arm holes cut down to your waist . . . gotta flaunt those tris! Give others a daily dose of inspiration by sporting your high school basketball shirt . . ."We work together. We play together. We succeed together. McKinney Heights Varsity Basketball '02." Truer words ne'er were spoken, my friend!
5. Whatever you do, DON'T SWEAT. Walk out our door looking the same as when you walked in. Girls, don't muff up your ponytail or makeup! And heaven forbid you pit out your shirt. Who wants to see that cute new iPod Nano on a sweaty armband? Not us! The gym is SOCIAL TIME--not kick-your-own-butt time! Talk to your roommates, call your mom, text your significant other, but whatever you do . . . don't work out TOO hard.
Well, that's it for our tips! We're so excited to have you here at 24 even though we don't expect to see much of you when you realize you're still fat in mid-February! Maybe by then there will be a little more room in our gym to work out for those who are truly committed to fitness. Above all, remember: it's a great day to get in shape!
Warm Regards,
The Management
A gym necessity!
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