Most of you have probably heard of “posttraumatic stress disorder.” For those of you who are unfamiliar with this or whose only exposure to it has been via the glowing rays of color emitted from your television during an episode of CSI:Miami, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. A traumatic event is something horrible and scary that you see or that happens to you. During this type of event, you think that your life or others' lives are in danger. You may feel powerless over your circumstances. Feeble. Afraid.
What you may not know is that PTSD is actually a generalized term that originated from a more specific type of disorder. My friends, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder was actually once known as “Posttucanos Stress Disorder,” but the term has since been broadened for the sake of the general public.
Posttucanos Stress Disorder is a debilitating disease that regularly affects more than 200 people worldwide. Symptoms include intense irritability, frustration and manic rage. These symptoms are often taken out on the spouses of those who suffer, leading to marital distress and—in extreme cases—lack of libido.
The road to PTSD is winding and varied. Listen to what the following PTSD sufferers have to say about their journey into the abyss:
It was a Monday night. Slow, as usual. I was in the pit. Suck. I had come to grips with the fact that I was going to make no money, but then—a glimmer of hope. My manager told me he was going to put an 8-top in my section. Yes! I thought. An 8-top meant an automatic 18% gratuity…it wouldn’t save my night by any means, but it would lessen the sting. Little did I know that this 8-top was comprised of two adults with their six young children (all under the age of six). Everyone got waters. And they had a birthday card.
-Anonymous
It was a Saturday night. Busy, as usual. I was in the 40s. Sweet. My managers told me to brace myself—a 30-top was coming in at 5:30, and they were saving my whole section for it. Big money!! 5:30 came. 5:30 went. 6:00 came. 6:00 went. 6:30 came. 6:30 went. They finally waltzed into the lobby at 7:00, and the entire party sat down all at once. I was prepared for this. Boom, boom, boom I got their drink orders and went back to the bar to get everything. That’s when I realized that nobody had been stocking. We were out of ice. Out of carafes. Out of sours. Out of tumblers. To make matters worse, the 30-top was NuSkin. We only had 3 wine glasses. And they all wanted separate checks.
-Anonymous
I knew I was in trouble when my table didn’t speak English. To add insult to injury, it was a 5-top and therefore ungratable. I watched in agony as they ordered lobster, a shrimp skewer, and gallons of booze. Their check was over $300. They left me $5.
-Anonymous
I was stoked when I got phased at 8:30. Little did I know that we still had mountains of sidework. I figured there’d be people there to help me soon enough, but at 8:30 we got a huge rush. Everybody’s sections were full. I peeled two 50-lb bags of potatoes and rolled three crates of silverware. At 10:00 I went to get my print-out, but the bar was behind on closing checks. I figured it would give me some time to do my closing sidework, so I looked up at the chart to see what I had to do. The drain. A half-hour later I finally got my print-out and gave it to a manger so he could change my numbers. He told me “just a minute.” It’s now been three weeks. I’m still at Tucanos waiting for my numbers to be changed. I think they’ve forgotten that I work here.
-Anonymous
Situations like these happen every day at Tucanos and, as you can imagine, PTSD is rampant amongst employees. Fortunately, there is a cure. It’s called Getanewjobyrll. This FDA-approved medication is covered by most insurers and can drastically alleviate the symptoms of PTSD. As with any medication, there are side effects to Getanewjobyrll. These include restlessness, insomnia, headache, tremor, dry mouth, confusion, rapid heartbeat, dizziness, nausea, constipation, menstrual complaints, rash, dry mouth, urinary retention, blurred vision, weight gain, weight loss, diarrhea and inability to achieve an erection. If you are unwilling to accept the risk of these side effects, PTSD has only one other known solution: faking your own death.
If you would like to personally donate to the cause of PTSD, please call 801-224-4774 and make a reservation at Tucanos. Be kind and courteous to your server, as they will most certainly be the same to you. Have class and show appreciation by tipping them 20% of the original amount of the check (i.e. pre-coupons). To make this easy for you, follow this rule: look at the first two digits of the bill, stick a decimal point between them, and double that number.
Your check is $45.67. Pay attention only to the 4 and 5. Stick a decimal point between them—4.5. Double that number. That means you should leave a $9 tip.
If your check skyrockets into the triple-digit range ($100 and up) follow the same rule, but instead look at the first three numbers and stick a decimal point after the first two. Then double that number.
Your check is $175.23. Pay attention only to the 1, 7 and 5. Stick a decimal point between after the first two numbers—17.5. Double that number. That means you should leave a $35 tip.
If your check exceeds the triple-digit range and is over $1000, then you are really freaking rich and probably have a black American Express card and already know how to tip. Therefore, no advice is needed.
If the makers of Getanewjobyrll and the general public work together, the sufferers of PTSD will be sufferers no more. As a victim of PTSD myself, I thank you for educating yourself on this incapacitating disease and hope that you will do your part in the future to prevent it.
What you may not know is that PTSD is actually a generalized term that originated from a more specific type of disorder. My friends, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder was actually once known as “Posttucanos Stress Disorder,” but the term has since been broadened for the sake of the general public.
Posttucanos Stress Disorder is a debilitating disease that regularly affects more than 200 people worldwide. Symptoms include intense irritability, frustration and manic rage. These symptoms are often taken out on the spouses of those who suffer, leading to marital distress and—in extreme cases—lack of libido.
The road to PTSD is winding and varied. Listen to what the following PTSD sufferers have to say about their journey into the abyss:
It was a Monday night. Slow, as usual. I was in the pit. Suck. I had come to grips with the fact that I was going to make no money, but then—a glimmer of hope. My manager told me he was going to put an 8-top in my section. Yes! I thought. An 8-top meant an automatic 18% gratuity…it wouldn’t save my night by any means, but it would lessen the sting. Little did I know that this 8-top was comprised of two adults with their six young children (all under the age of six). Everyone got waters. And they had a birthday card.
-Anonymous
It was a Saturday night. Busy, as usual. I was in the 40s. Sweet. My managers told me to brace myself—a 30-top was coming in at 5:30, and they were saving my whole section for it. Big money!! 5:30 came. 5:30 went. 6:00 came. 6:00 went. 6:30 came. 6:30 went. They finally waltzed into the lobby at 7:00, and the entire party sat down all at once. I was prepared for this. Boom, boom, boom I got their drink orders and went back to the bar to get everything. That’s when I realized that nobody had been stocking. We were out of ice. Out of carafes. Out of sours. Out of tumblers. To make matters worse, the 30-top was NuSkin. We only had 3 wine glasses. And they all wanted separate checks.
-Anonymous
I knew I was in trouble when my table didn’t speak English. To add insult to injury, it was a 5-top and therefore ungratable. I watched in agony as they ordered lobster, a shrimp skewer, and gallons of booze. Their check was over $300. They left me $5.
-Anonymous
I was stoked when I got phased at 8:30. Little did I know that we still had mountains of sidework. I figured there’d be people there to help me soon enough, but at 8:30 we got a huge rush. Everybody’s sections were full. I peeled two 50-lb bags of potatoes and rolled three crates of silverware. At 10:00 I went to get my print-out, but the bar was behind on closing checks. I figured it would give me some time to do my closing sidework, so I looked up at the chart to see what I had to do. The drain. A half-hour later I finally got my print-out and gave it to a manger so he could change my numbers. He told me “just a minute.” It’s now been three weeks. I’m still at Tucanos waiting for my numbers to be changed. I think they’ve forgotten that I work here.
-Anonymous
Situations like these happen every day at Tucanos and, as you can imagine, PTSD is rampant amongst employees. Fortunately, there is a cure. It’s called Getanewjobyrll. This FDA-approved medication is covered by most insurers and can drastically alleviate the symptoms of PTSD. As with any medication, there are side effects to Getanewjobyrll. These include restlessness, insomnia, headache, tremor, dry mouth, confusion, rapid heartbeat, dizziness, nausea, constipation, menstrual complaints, rash, dry mouth, urinary retention, blurred vision, weight gain, weight loss, diarrhea and inability to achieve an erection. If you are unwilling to accept the risk of these side effects, PTSD has only one other known solution: faking your own death.
If you would like to personally donate to the cause of PTSD, please call 801-224-4774 and make a reservation at Tucanos. Be kind and courteous to your server, as they will most certainly be the same to you. Have class and show appreciation by tipping them 20% of the original amount of the check (i.e. pre-coupons). To make this easy for you, follow this rule: look at the first two digits of the bill, stick a decimal point between them, and double that number.
Your check is $45.67. Pay attention only to the 4 and 5. Stick a decimal point between them—4.5. Double that number. That means you should leave a $9 tip.
If your check skyrockets into the triple-digit range ($100 and up) follow the same rule, but instead look at the first three numbers and stick a decimal point after the first two. Then double that number.
Your check is $175.23. Pay attention only to the 1, 7 and 5. Stick a decimal point between after the first two numbers—17.5. Double that number. That means you should leave a $35 tip.
If your check exceeds the triple-digit range and is over $1000, then you are really freaking rich and probably have a black American Express card and already know how to tip. Therefore, no advice is needed.
If the makers of Getanewjobyrll and the general public work together, the sufferers of PTSD will be sufferers no more. As a victim of PTSD myself, I thank you for educating yourself on this incapacitating disease and hope that you will do your part in the future to prevent it.
