Babies, Babies, Everywhere

Wassup Nadya! Or should I say Angelina? How are those octoplets treating you? Oh, they're still in the hospital? Some of them are in the ICU? Wow, that must be expensive. $1 million and counting? Dang. Hopefully your husband has a a good job! What's that you say? No father in the home? Oh. Great. California tax-payers are footing the hospital bills and welfare? Hmmm. How are the other six kids? What's that? You don't know? Your mother is their primary caregiver?

Alfie! Wow. When I was thirteen I wanted to go see A Goofy Movie at the dollar theatre, not be a parent. Where were your parents the night you impregnated your girlfriend? Well, nevermind. I guess that doesn't matter anymore. 13. Shoot. I didn't know little boys' whistles even worked at that age. But I guess they work enough. How does it feel knowing that you'll be just 31 years old when your kid graduates high school? That is, if he DOES graduate high school. Having a 13-year old dad and 15-year old mom could really mess someone up, you know. But I'm sure you guys know what you're doing. After all, you're in LOVE right? And parenting is nothin'.

To quote Marvin Gaye: what's goin on???

Has everyone taken crazy pills lately? The 10 o'clock news has turned into a circus! Babies here, babies there. Nadya Suleman, Alfie Patten, Bristol Palin, Jamie Lynn Spears, on and on and on. For those of you who are unaware: parenting is a HUGE deal. It is NOT a trend. It is NOT something that just anyone can do at any time. Having a child and knowing how to care for one are two ENTIRELY different things.

To all my friends who are sexually active: if you're not looking to have a kid, you better be practicing safe sex or else I will find you and kick you in the face. If you ARE looking to have a kid, I pray to God that you know what you're getting yourself into.

To all my friends who aren't sexually active: if you're smart, you'll stay that way until marriage.

If you're in the difficult position of going through an unplanned (unwanted?) pregnancy--panicked by the daunting responsibilites that will soon be upon you--I congratulate you. At least you have some idea of what parenthood entails. I also invite you to watch a commercial the NBC rejected to air during this year's past SuperBowl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2CaBR3z85c

We're currently in a war with Iraq, the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, and our educational system is in need of dire reform. Yet none of these dilemmas hold a candle to the effects of the degeneration of the traditional familiy unit. You want REAL problems? Then watch what happens when families deterioate. $787 billion won't do you jack.

Husband-wife-child.

Not boyfriend-girlfriend-child.

Not fiancee-fiancee-child.

Not mother-child.

Not father-child.

Please, people. Let's get it right.